Hello, it’s me

Dear H,

You once said to people who talk bad about you, “You don’t know me, I don’t know you, so please shut up“. I am not one of those people. You don’t know me, but I know you, so I should talk.

I made a big decision last year, one of the biggest in my life and I still don’t know if it was the right one. I am trying to face the consequences and I am having a hard time. I just want to let you know that you are helping me getting through this without even knowing.

I want to learn from you. I wish I could have your attitude and mentality in facing problems and challenges. I wish I was tougher than I am. But it is not easy when dreams seems to be shattered, especially by the people you trust the most. If curiosity could kill, expectation can hurt.

Last year, I threw away everything I had and everything I could have had for one person. Am I too greedy if I want him to want only me? Yes, I am insecure and I may behave like a child sometime.

Anyway, I should try harder and do better in everything, like you always do. I just moved to a new house. It was renovated for over 6 weeks and I supervised the whole construction work. I’ve been busy. There’s also been death in the family. And suddenly some random girls come out and claimed to be the daughters of the deceased. What surprised me the most, is that the children of the deceased seemed to be happy they got 2 new younger sisters. I was like, what the heck? If I was in their shoes, I would ask for DNA test and ask what they want. If it’s true they are the daughters, why confess NOW, when the wife is in deep mourn. Is it the inheritance they are after? Maybe I am just not a good person and full of suspicions, I don’t know. But seriously though, why now, when the dead can no longer offer apology or explanation or a mere confirmation. Where I live now, it seems normal to have children from different women, and it’s driving me insane. There are just some things that I cannot just accept. Sorry, it is not your business, not mine either, and I hope I will never have to face such painful thing.

But there is new hope and dream in the new house. I have a lot of guests. I haven’t even reported properly to do the paperwork for changing address. I really have to catch up in my professional career as well. I’ll apply for a job while waiting to see you in May. I already got some offer too, but the field is farfetched from anything I learned in college, so I haven’t decided yet. See you next month, don’t be late.

Be safe.